Suspension

Hire me,

Fire me, 

Go ahead and wire me 

all of the instructions you could possibly require me 

to use

not abuse 

‘cause it’s better not to lose 

all the energy and empathy you fought so hard to fuse 

to the rafters

for after 

the hardest real disaster, 

B’with all the pain that I’ve been through, don’t be surprised I shatter 

like glass

from a cast 

made of semi-sturdy mass, 

Though I tried so hard to leave the things that passed in the past. 

So I’m stretching,

introspecting, 

feeling somewhat like a fledgling, 

gripping self-worth and emotions ’til tight insides feel like retching.  

Minutest.

But not useless. 

And even though I knew this, 

Sometimes the silence shouts and then it’s all I can to do this: 

To breathe in,

breathe out, 

remember what I care about, 

And after all is said and done my actions speak my whereabouts. 

(This tension

I mention,

it feels like an extension

of all my uncertainty that holds me in suspension.)

So find me,

Remind me, 

Or watch my back behind me, 

B’no matter what you get I hope you never lose the kind me, 

Cuz broken,

I’m still hopin’ 

for a sign, a word, a token, 

for something straight from you that proves you didn’t stop your stokin’ 

of my flame,

still too tame, 

Lukewarm water’s not the same, 

But it’s not your fault, I know you gave your all. Must be my blame  

for my lost

sense of cost, 

for the dreams I put on frost, 

for my withering initiative that’s bending ’til it’s crossed 

into space

still outpaced, 

And I’m trying to save face, 

But I just can’t seem to ground myself or shake feeling displaced.  

Yet I find

that my mind 

doesn’t always speak unblind, 

That there’s more to all this craziness that I have yet to find, 

And optimism,

like a prism, 

bends the bars of this mind prison, 

So colors cut from truth light up my search for what broken isn’t.