Betrayal

Down to my bones I feel the cold

sting of betrayal as I sit, shivering, alone.

I tell you that I need space to heal.

I need to take some time apart

from you so I can mourn this loss.

When you leave, turn out the light.

I can’t breathe, so I turn on the light

hoping it will make the cold

bed feel warmer, but the loss

of sleep reminds me I’m scared to be alone.

My mind wanders; thoughts rip me apart,

convincing me that I will never heal.

Is there any hope to heal

after years of avoiding the light?

Too scared of tearing apart

everything we’ve built. Am I cold-

hearted for leaving you alone

as we each bear our own loss?

I search my mind, but I am at a loss

for words to try to help you heal.

So I just leave you alone

as I wait for the upstairs light

to turn off and spare you the cold

shoulder. It’s better that we’re apart.

For years, we’ve never been apart

longer than a few weeks. Now the loss

of trust has turned my heart cold.

I wonder if the only way to heal

is to search for my own light

and walk a new path alone.

Then, I remember. I am not alone.

Even though you & I are apart,

I carry within me a Light

that creates gain from loss.

Here, I find the hope to heal.

Raising life from bones gone cold.

So please. Leave me alone as I process this loss.

This time apart is the only way I can heal.

Somehow light shines brighter when it’s cold.